[ The embrace feels comforting, making a warmth spread in his chest and ease away some of that cold numbness. ]
You can always reach for me, Psyche. I’ll take your hand.
[ But… he lets out a soft sigh. ]
I don’t know that Lan Wangji thought I was hurt. He thought I was a heretic, and probably wanted to fix me so I’d cultivate properly. A real shame, since I didn’t mind his company all too much.
You can always reach for me, Psyche. I’ll take your hand.
[ But… he lets out a soft sigh. ]
I don’t know that Lan Wangji thought I was hurt. He thought I was a heretic, and probably wanted to fix me so I’d cultivate properly. A real shame, since I didn’t mind his company all too much.
[ The reassurance loosens a tension in her, and she lets out a quiet sigh.
"Didn't mind his company that much"... as if Psyche hadn't felt his own hurt feelings. If it weren't for everything she'd just seen, she could laugh. ]
Mm... you know him better. But to me, it looked like he was afraid of losing you. [ She's a little afraid now, honestly. But after a beat of hesitation she makes herself ask anyway. ] ...Was he right, about what it was doing to you? If you had to choose, would you do all of that again?
"Didn't mind his company that much"... as if Psyche hadn't felt his own hurt feelings. If it weren't for everything she'd just seen, she could laugh. ]
Mm... you know him better. But to me, it looked like he was afraid of losing you. [ She's a little afraid now, honestly. But after a beat of hesitation she makes herself ask anyway. ] ...Was he right, about what it was doing to you? If you had to choose, would you do all of that again?
[ That’s the big question here, isn’t it? He doesn’t say anything for a long, long moment. ]
Lan Zhan was right.
[ He thought he had a control on it back home, that he could keep it from affecting his emotional state, his very being. Being without it for a while, though, has changed his disposition and he can’t deny it. ]
And if I had to choose… I would probably do it all again, solely because Jiang Cheng needed my core to continue on. I had no other choice, so my hand would be forced no matter what.
[ He doesn’t regret it. ]
Lan Zhan was right.
[ He thought he had a control on it back home, that he could keep it from affecting his emotional state, his very being. Being without it for a while, though, has changed his disposition and he can’t deny it. ]
And if I had to choose… I would probably do it all again, solely because Jiang Cheng needed my core to continue on. I had no other choice, so my hand would be forced no matter what.
[ He doesn’t regret it. ]
[ She gives a nod, strangely unsurprised. Maybe at least in part because it's what she wants to hear. Is she doing the same thing to herself again? She rubs her palms slowly up and down his back, unsure which of them she's soothing. ]
He needed it... but you didn't?
[ She won't let him answer that, because she can fill in enough. It's the contradiction of him that's so like Medea. The willingness to sacrifice so much as if they don't even see their own hurt, and at the same time, the very genuine ruthlessness. She knows what broke Medea. Maybe she understands a little what did the same to him. ]
And what about the things you did to Wen Chao? As you are right now, I mean. Would you torture him? Force him to eat his own flesh, feed parts of him to ghosts?
[ She feels her stomach wrench a little saying it, but she won't pretend it's not what she saw. ]
He needed it... but you didn't?
[ She won't let him answer that, because she can fill in enough. It's the contradiction of him that's so like Medea. The willingness to sacrifice so much as if they don't even see their own hurt, and at the same time, the very genuine ruthlessness. She knows what broke Medea. Maybe she understands a little what did the same to him. ]
And what about the things you did to Wen Chao? As you are right now, I mean. Would you torture him? Force him to eat his own flesh, feed parts of him to ghosts?
[ She feels her stomach wrench a little saying it, but she won't pretend it's not what she saw. ]
love it!!!!! Cw for torture and suicidal ideation mention
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diabolizes
2023-06-21 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She cuts him off before he can say that Jiang Cheng would have wasted away without his core, would have allowed himself to simply die whereas Wei Wuxian would live regardless. He had to take care of Jiang Cheng. He promised. ]
As I am now…?
[ He has to consider it. What would it be like to be consumed by such rage again? Would he be, without all of that resentful energy? ]
I would still torture him.
[ But what isn’t said is that he wouldn’t go as far, but Psyche can probably assume as much.
…It’s a good thing he never disliked anyone here, isn’t it? ]
As I am now…?
[ He has to consider it. What would it be like to be consumed by such rage again? Would he be, without all of that resentful energy? ]
I would still torture him.
[ But what isn’t said is that he wouldn’t go as far, but Psyche can probably assume as much.
…It’s a good thing he never disliked anyone here, isn’t it? ]
Edited 2023-06-21 17:36 (UTC)
[ She looks up at him, quiet and calm, letting herself take in everything that means for as long as she needs.
She knows what it is to hate deeply. Is the reason she's never hated like that only because she hasn't lost as much? Or just because she's too cowardly? It's hard for her to know. ]
...I've never been able to stand seeing people in pain. If something like that ever happened again, I would probably fight you, too. I can't tell you that he deserved to live. But I would have wished for a quick death for him. Can you accept that about me?
She knows what it is to hate deeply. Is the reason she's never hated like that only because she hasn't lost as much? Or just because she's too cowardly? It's hard for her to know. ]
...I've never been able to stand seeing people in pain. If something like that ever happened again, I would probably fight you, too. I can't tell you that he deserved to live. But I would have wished for a quick death for him. Can you accept that about me?
[ … ]
I can.
[ He looks away, at a spot on the ground just past her shoulder as he thinks this over. Did Lan Wangji really do it out of care? As far as Wei Wuxian is aware, the man has never liked him even for a moment.
But what matters more is Psyche in front of him and in his arms.
Without all of that resentful energy flowing through him, he’s… tired. ]
Next time, I’ll kill quickly. But I can’t guarantee that I will should you ever die and I seek revenge.
I can.
[ He looks away, at a spot on the ground just past her shoulder as he thinks this over. Did Lan Wangji really do it out of care? As far as Wei Wuxian is aware, the man has never liked him even for a moment.
But what matters more is Psyche in front of him and in his arms.
Without all of that resentful energy flowing through him, he’s… tired. ]
Next time, I’ll kill quickly. But I can’t guarantee that I will should you ever die and I seek revenge.
[ She doesn't need a promise from him. That's enough. So she gives a nod and squeezes him tighter, letting out a quiet sigh of relief. ]
I can't do anything about that. But if it matters... I wouldn't want or need revenge. All I want is for you to be happy. And I would be so frustrated if I became the reason for you losing yourself.
[ She can't think of a time when she'd ever been afraid to die. But that would be so bitter, wouldn't it? For her death to be used to hurt someone she loves so much. ]
I can't do anything about that. But if it matters... I wouldn't want or need revenge. All I want is for you to be happy. And I would be so frustrated if I became the reason for you losing yourself.
[ She can't think of a time when she'd ever been afraid to die. But that would be so bitter, wouldn't it? For her death to be used to hurt someone she loves so much. ]
[ He laughs, empty and without humor, as he squeezed her tight in return. ]
You’d haunt me yourself, wouldn’t you?
You’d haunt me yourself, wouldn’t you?
[ That laugh feels a little painful, she thinks. ]
Hm... would that be a threat, or a promise? But, I can do that. I'll haunt you and watch over you. I'd make sure that you took care of yourself and stayed—
[ Ah, she'd slipped before. She catches herself this time. ]
—stayed the Wei Wuxian I care for.
Hm... would that be a threat, or a promise? But, I can do that. I'll haunt you and watch over you. I'd make sure that you took care of yourself and stayed—
[ Ah, she'd slipped before. She catches herself this time. ]
—stayed the Wei Wuxian I care for.
[ It certainly feels like a promise more than anything else. He isn’t sure what emotion wells up inside of him, a complex mishmash of them settling in his chest and up into his throat and choking him up.
Despite his best attempt to keep his voice even, it wavers. ]
I think… I’d like that.
Despite his best attempt to keep his voice even, it wavers. ]
I think… I’d like that.
Then I will. I want to stay by your side.
[ Ah, that expression... it hurts, but it's a healing sort of hurt. She unwinds one arm to reach up and stroke his cheek gently before she tries to draw his head down to her shoulder. More softly, she adds, ]
Tears aren't a sign of weakness.
[ If he wants to cry, he should. He told her that, too. ]
[ Ah, that expression... it hurts, but it's a healing sort of hurt. She unwinds one arm to reach up and stroke his cheek gently before she tries to draw his head down to her shoulder. More softly, she adds, ]
Tears aren't a sign of weakness.
[ If he wants to cry, he should. He told her that, too. ]
[ He'll allow himself to do so, burying his face in her shoulder, his own shoulders trembling ever so slightly. ]
I want you by my side as well.
I want you by my side as well.
[ She runs her fingers through his hair, slow and careful, and then just settles her hand on his back to rub gently. She won't comment on the trembling. ]
Then that's where I'll be. ...You've been so strong for so long. Won't you let yourself rest for just a little while now?
Then that's where I'll be. ...You've been so strong for so long. Won't you let yourself rest for just a little while now?
I can try.
[ He breathes out, breath hot against her collarbones, before he relaxes. There really is something about her that just… settles him.
His arms snake around her waist, pulling her closer. ]
[ He breathes out, breath hot against her collarbones, before he relaxes. There really is something about her that just… settles him.
His arms snake around her waist, pulling her closer. ]
We have, haven't we? You've always been there for me. Since the first day, even.
[ It's strange how long ago that feels now. Five weeks... in three more days, her engagement really is at an end. One thing finished, at least. ]
[ It's strange how long ago that feels now. Five weeks... in three more days, her engagement really is at an end. One thing finished, at least. ]
[ There's more pain there, she can tell. So much of his life has been, even if he makes light of it. She hums agreement and presses closer. ]
Hardship changes people, doesn't it? What were you like before?
Hardship changes people, doesn't it? What were you like before?
You have to say that now, if you're stuck with me.
[ But because it's him she'll believe it. She grins back at him. ]
[ But because it's him she'll believe it. She grins back at him. ]
[ He might be easing his hold on her, but she winds her arms around his neck again and holds tight for a little longer, not lifting her head from where her face is safely hidden against him. She should move in a moment. But for a few more seconds she wants to let herself feel dizzy with the sense of connection.
When her head clears she already knows she'll be second-guessing this. It's too impulsive, and too perfect a moment. Everything she's been trying to ignore. Is it too late to hope that he won't have any interest in talking about this...?
She tries to make her smile lighter when she looks up at him at last and leans in for a light kiss. ]
...Really, how did we end up like this?
When her head clears she already knows she'll be second-guessing this. It's too impulsive, and too perfect a moment. Everything she's been trying to ignore. Is it too late to hope that he won't have any interest in talking about this...?
She tries to make her smile lighter when she looks up at him at last and leans in for a light kiss. ]
...Really, how did we end up like this?
[ It's so easy to relax into his hold, to let him pull her where he needs her as her fingers continue to trace soothing patterns on his back. Is this what it feels like to be so important to someone? To be able to do something for them, even if it's something this small?
She'll keep soothing him for as long as he'll allow it, quiet and unpressing. ]
She'll keep soothing him for as long as he'll allow it, quiet and unpressing. ]
[ Wherever Psyche has been keeping herself since the meeting, Wei Wuxian will get a text. From the bar, assuming Some People have left any stools there intact for ordinary visitors to make use of. ]
Do you think it would be a bad idea to have one drink? I think the sealed containers should be alright.
Do you think it would be a bad idea to have one drink? I think the sealed containers should be alright.
And you have been there for me too, listening to my pointless childhood stories.
[ Which he's honestly surprised he shared with her so soon after they met, but Psyche just seems to bring that out in him. ]
[ Which he's honestly surprised he shared with her so soon after they met, but Psyche just seems to bring that out in him. ]
Carefree, almost to a fault. I'd forget about any transgressions against me the next day because I'd let things go so quickly. Nothing ever really brought my mood down either.
[ And then life happened and he stopped talking about his feelings. ]
[ And then life happened and he stopped talking about his feelings. ]
I'll say it as many times as you want to hear it.
[ He squeezes her hand. ]
Now, shall we go look around the planetarium?
[ THAT'S A WRAP ]
[ He squeezes her hand. ]
Now, shall we go look around the planetarium?
[ THAT'S A WRAP ]
[ He laughs, setting a hand on her lower back, his fingers lightly caressing her skin. She feels so warm and soft against him that he's content to lay here in silence for a while, but he lets out a laugh when she asks him that. ]
I don't know. I intended to only eat cake.
I don't know. I intended to only eat cake.
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